Archives for category: Perspective

Comarison is the Thief of Joy September 15 2012

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I’ve been doing something stupid lately. I know I shouldn’t be doing it, but I do anyways. Ugh. I’ve been comparing myself to other people.

I know everyone is different, you can’t put people side by side to see how they stack up against each other, but for some reason my head has been doing it recently.

Whatever I start doing it I always feel bad about myself. It doesn’t matter if it’s with people in real life, or other bloggers, or whatever. It doesn’t matter what part of my life it’s in, I always end up on the losing side.

For the last little while I’ve been really good at not doing it. It’s actually been pretty awesome. But for some reason the last couple days have been tough. I don’t know what it is.

So I’m going to try to make a conscious effort to not compare myself to others the next week or so and see how it goes.

Tell me I’m not the only one who gets stuck in this rut every once in while. What do you do to stop doing it?

Disappointment July 31 2012

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Two weeks ago I posted about how much I was looking forward to playing floor hockey. Unfortunately all I got to play was one game.

Apparently I underestimated how much harder gym floors were than grass soccer fields. Let me tell you, they’re really hard. Evidently, they’re too hard for my foot that’s still recovering from plantar fasciitis. My foot hurt a little that night, but not a whole lot more than after a soccer game. The next morning however was a different story. I could hardly walk when I first got out of bed.

So I made the tough decision to not play the rest of the season. I hate that I had to give it up, but I want my foot to heal completely, not get worse.

This is the second thing that I was really looking forward to doing that I’ve had to cancel. Because I couldn’t run I ended up giving my spot in the Mud Hero race to a friend. I was pretty bummed out about that, and now I’m doubly bummed out cause the next month won’t involve any floor hockey like I thought it would.

I’m very ready for my body to be back to normal. I want to be able to do the things that I want to do. I guess one good thing that’s come out of this is that I’ll appreciate the way my body works once it’s completely healed.

Goalie June 9 2012

The soccer league that I play in doesn’t have dedicated goalies. That means that everyone on the team has to take a turn playing goalie for a game. Usually we do it half a game at a time.

A few weeks ago I volunteered to play goalie for the first half of the game. When I first pulled on the keeper jersey, put the gloves on, and ran out on the field to the net, I was terrified. TERRIFIED.

I didn’t realize before how big the net is until I was standing in front of it. It seemed so huge to me. How could anyone expect me to keep a ball out of it?

A funny thing happened though. Once the game started I realised I had some teammates who were playing an amazing defense and were working hard to keep the ball away. They were awesome, and the whole time I was in goal the ball only came to me a couple times.

Did the other team score on me? Definitely. But it was only once, and I had managed to stop the first try. There was no way I could have been able to get to the other side of the net in time to keep the ball from going in on the rebound. It was too much ground to cover in not enough time.

But you know what? I didn’t feel bad about it. I knew that I had given it my all and tried as hard as I could. I didn’t have any regrets. I couldn’t think of anything that I could have done differently.

When the ref whistled half time I was so relieved. I had played 30 minutes as goalie and survived. When I went over to the sideline to get some water, my team congratulated me. They thought I had done a good job, even though the other team had scored. I think one of the things I was so scared of was letting them down, but they didn’t feel disappointed at all.

Last week I played another half as goalie. I definitely wasn’t as scared as the first time, though I was still definitely more nervous that usual. You know what? I didn’t even let any goals in! Instead of worrying about the horrible things that could happen, I focused on the game and did my best.

I need to remember this experience for the next time that I’m faced with doing something that I’m scared of. I really have no idea how something is going to go until I actually do it. Having expectations that it’s going to be horrible doesn’t help at all. For all I know I could have had some amazing goalie abilities that I didn’t know I had cause I had never played the position before. I need to remember that when I’m faced with an unknown I need to tell myself that it could turn out pretty good.

Limits June 2 2012

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Last week at soccer I was running after the ball. I was playing defence, and there was a striker on the other team running to get to the ball too. It was a race to see who would get there first.

Limits 2 June 2 2012

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For a second I thought about giving up. I don’t think I’m very fast. Actually I know I’m not fast. I told myself that she would get there before I would. What’s the point of wasting the energy of running hard when I know she’ll beat me to the ball?

Limits 3 June 2 2012

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But then I thought, what if I give it my all and see what happens? Yeah, I might not be fast, but I’d like to think that I give everything my best effort. If I give up before I’ve even tried then I’m not trying my best.

Limits 4 June 2 2012

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We ended up getting to the ball at the same time, and after a few tries I managed to pass it to a teammate. I felt pretty good about it. It wasn’t a game changing play. We didn’t score. But I was so proud of myself for not giving up.

Limits 5 June 2 2012

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It made me realize how many times I put limits on myself. I give myself permission to give up cause I don’t think I’ll be able to accomplish something. So what if it’s hard? So what if I’ve never been able to do it before? If I don’t give it 100% then of course I’m going to fail. But if I give it everything I have I could do something amazing.

Even if I don’t end up doing it, it’s still not the end of the world. I’m guaranteed to fail at things in life – but that doesn’t mean that I still shouldn’t give it 100% of my effort.

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The other day I was texting with a good friend. She had asked me to do something with her. I agreed.  Then she told me she hadn’t done in the last three years even though she had been asked 40 or 50 times. I was kind of shocked that all of a sudden she would be up for doing it, so I asked her what made her change her mind now.

She told me I inspired her. I’ve been doing scary things the last little while (check out this post for my 30th birthday bucket list), and apparently she’s noticed a change in me. She’s seen me do things that I wouldn’t have done before, and it’s encouraged her to give this a try.

Every once in awhile it’s good for me to see things from someone else’s perspective. I guess I hadn’t looked back at the last year and seen how much I had changed. Now that I think about it I’m kind of proud of myself. I’ve put myself out there, even when it was hard to do, when there was the possibility that things wouldn’t work out and I would fail – and I have failed at some things, I’ve also succeeded at a lot of things that I didn’t think I would be able to do.

Usually when I go to physio I run. The therapist works on my foot for a bit, then he sends me to the treadmill to do some run/walk intervals to see how the pain is.

About halfway through my time on the treadmill a lady came over to use the recumbent bike next to me. When she was done she asked me how long I had been on the treadmill for. I told her 20 minutes, but I wasn’t running the whole time. She said she wished she had my running “abilities” and then she went off to finish her treatment.

Her comment totally made me smile. To her, I was a runner. It didn’t matter to her that I was doing intervals, it didn’t matter that it was only 20 minutes, it didn’t matter that I was sweaty. She was impressed.

I need to remember that even though I’m definitely not where I want to be, or that I’m not even an average runner yet, I’m still moving towards my goal. It’s going to be a lot of work to get there, and it’s not going to happen overnight, but I’ll get there eventually.

Every once in awhile I need a reminder of how far I’ve come.

PS That music video is epic. It’s a must see.

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Last night I realized that I’m always underestimating myself.

It was my first soccer game. I was pretty excited about it. It’s something I wanted to do cause it was outside of my comfort zone. It was a little scary, but at the same time something I thought I could do if I pushed myself.

I was also terrified. I imagined everyone else on my team being amazing soccer players. They’d run circles around me with the ball and I wouldn’t have any idea what was happening. They’d be at one end of the field and I’d be at the other, trying to catch up. I didn’t think I would be able to keep up with everyone else.

It happens sometimes when I go do my workouts for the boot camp. I look at what I have to do and think that there’s no way that I can do 15 reps, let alone 4 sets of a particular exercise – never mind the fact that I’ve been working out pretty consistently for the last couple months. Somehow all the rational thoughts get pushed aside by my doubt.

It’s not just with soccer or working out. It’s been like this for a long time. It’s been everything from realizing that my friends like me cause I’m a genuinely nice person (I should have figured that out a long time ago – most of them have been my friends ever since I moved here 15 years ago), to figuring out that yeah, someone would like me enough to want to date me and call me their girlfriend.

The soccer game turned out to be pretty awesome. The ladies I play with are easy going and supportive. Even though I was definitely exhausted and sweaty by the end of the game, it didn’t really feel like a workout cause I was having so much fun. I was  able to keep up with everyone too. One teammate even asked me how long I had been playing soccer – apparently I didn’t look as completely lost and confused as I felt – so that made me feel pretty good.

Even the fact that I’ve stuck with this boot camp up til now (even though I’ve had mornings when I didn’t want to have to get up early to work out, or workouts that seemed too hard, or that they’d never end) shows that I have more strength and perseverance than I like to admit to myself.

I need to remember to not underestimate myself. I CAN do things – scary, hard things, even. I just have to do them and stop letting my head get in the way.

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The last couple days have been hard. Really really tough. It would have been to easy and understandable for me to tell myself that I can take a day, a couple days, the week off when it comes to working out, I could have stayed in bed and gotten the much needed sleep that I didn’t get the night before instead of getting up at 5:30 am to work out. I could have made a million excuses for myself.

But I didn’t slack off. I got up when my alarm went off, I got dressed and headed downstairs to work out. I worked hard. I cried (haha, not about how hard the workout was, but about the stuff that’s going on right now). I finished it and I felt amazing. Despite having a million reasons why I could skip one, two, or five workouts, I did them anyways.

I think part of the reason why I’ve been sticking to it the last couple days is because of the boot camp. I want to keep up with everyone else doing it. I don’t want to fall behind. I know everyone else will be working out today, so I want to make sure that I get mine in too.

You know what? If I can make sure I’m consistent with my workouts now, in the middle of going through all the crap I’m dealing with, then I can do it through anything. Suddenly just being tired in the morning isn’t a good enough excuse. Not “feeling” like it won’t get me out of a run. If I can commit to working out now, then I can do it in the face of just about anything.

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Last week I did something totally scary for me. Terrifying even. But you know what? I had the guts to do it. And even better? It wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. It was actually pretty painless.

I had been putting it off for awhile, the whole time making it up to be some huge scary thing in my head, making myself way more scared and stressed about it than I had to. It makes me realize that I do that all the time. If I just sucked it up and did scary stuff when it had to be done instead of putting it off, I’d make things a whole lot easier for myself.

It makes me thinks that there’s stuff out there that I haven’t done cause I’ve convinced myself it’s not going to turn out well when really I have no idea what’s going to happen. I don’t want to be someone who lives life like that. I don’t want to have any regrets. So I’m going to use this experience to remind myself to do the scary stuff even if it is tough, cause it might turn out really well.

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I’ve been housesitting for the last few days. That means my routines are a little off. I do mostly the same stuff, but it’s just a little different trying to do it in someone else’s house.

It sort of gives me a different perspective on daily life, being away from my house and the same things everyday. It’s it funny how just changing location for a few days does that?